(Spoiler: JJC life is not for the faint-hearted)
1. 9-5 Is a Myth. We Work Night to Night.
Forget everything Temitope from HR told you. In Lagos, your hustle has to hustle. You clock in at 9, but do you get on the road by 5:00 am, and do you really clock out? Never. Between traffic, side gigs, “let’s quickly have a Zoom,” and that random 10:00 PM client call, Lagos turns everyone into a shift worker. Welcome to the 24-hour grind economy, where sleep is a luxury and emails have no bedtime.
2. Only Jesus Can Pay the Rent.
That mini flat in Lekki? It’s not mini in price. By the time you calculate agent fee, legal fee, “consultation” fee, and PTSD from house hunting, only divine intervention can help. Your budget and Lagos rent prices exist in parallel universes. Pro tip: pray, then pay more.
3. There’s No Love in Lagos.
The dating pool is a swamp, and situationships are floaters. Everyone’s either “just chilling,” “figuring it out,” or using you for AC and WiFi. If you find real love in this city, hold it tight. You’ve discovered the 8th wonder of the world.
4. Luxury Isn’t Worth the Price Tag.
That ₦20k amala? That “exclusive” brunch where the juice is mostly ice and vibes? Lagos luxury loves aesthetics more than value. If you don’t mind paying a premium for a soft life that’s not-so-soft, go off. But sometimes, the roadside suya hits harder than that ₦50k seafood platter with a QR code menu.
5. Lagos Roads Are Psychiatric Wards.
Driving here is a full-body workout. You’re dodging potholes, danfos, hawkers, and people who think zebra crossings are decorations. Every road is a mental obstacle course. If your sanity survives the Third Mainland Bridge on a Monday morning, congrats—you’ve earned your stripes.
