Dating in Lagos is already a sport. But if you’ve found yourself with a tech bro, just know you’re in for a very specific kind of relationship package — from billionaire dreams, pitch decks, and premature grey hairs. They’re smart, ambitious, and probably going to change the world, but they’ll also change how many times you hear the word “KPI” in one week.
Here are the tell-tale signs you’re officially in tech-bro territory:
1. His Hoodie Collection Is His Personality
Forget agbada or crisp senator sets. If he’s a tech bro, it’s hoodies, always hoodies; they’re his go-to fit for almost everything, even under the Lagos sun. Bonus points if one of them has a faded company logo.
2. Every Date Feels Like a Strategy Session
You thought you were going out for cocktails; somehow, you’re listening to a 15-minute breakdown of “A great investment portfolio.” He swears it’s casual chat, but really, you’ve been his pitch rehearsal three times this week without realizing it.
3. Wi-Fi > Romance
Forget candlelight dinners; what excites him is fast Wi-Fi. He’ll choose a café in Lekki not because it’s cute, but because of “low latency.” If you ever lose his attention mid-conversation, just know he’s probably debugging in his head.
4. Sneakers Are Sacred
Balenciagas? Nice. Jordans? Respect. But the true tech-bro starter pack is clean, minimal sneakers that look like they were designed by Apple. Don’t you dare step on them, unless you want to trigger a 10-minute TED Talk.
5. His Apartment Is Either Too Bare or Too Smart
Tech bros don’t do middle ground. He either has a Lekki apartment with nothing but a mattress, a MacBook, and a router… or you walk into a space where Alexa, Google, and three other robots greet you before he does, or his workstation looks like a cyber shrine.
6. He Mentions Yaba Like It’s Silicon Valley
If he ever starts a glow-up story with “Back when I was working out of Yaba…” just know you’ve unlocked tech-bro bingo. For him, Yaba isn’t just a neighborhood, it’s a badge of honor.
7. His Love Language Is Beta Testing
Forget flowers. He’ll send you links to try his new app or insist you “play around with this interface” before anyone else. If you’re really lucky, your anniversary gift might just be lifetime premium access to something he built.
So, if these signs sound familiar, congratulations (or condolences) — you’re dating a Lagos tech bro. The good news? He might just blow one day and take you along for the ride. The bad news? You’ll probably know more about blockchain than you ever asked for.
