There are so many stories of Lagos being the bottom barrel of love, and the streets are flowing with stories of—premium breakfast! Even Burna Boy had the whole world singing about the prophecy of every relationship in Lagos— it will all end in ‘breakfast’.
But is that truly the fate of every Lagosian? For me, even in this concrete jungle, flowers still bloom, and sometimes, love conquers all betrayal, redemption, the whole rollercoaster.— PS: Lagos is not a soap opera, so please don’t quote me anywhere!
Some might say there’s a cheat code to finding love in Lagos. Others believe it’s just plain luck—or a case of being in the right place at the right time. Who knows? So, I put on my investigative hat and hit the streets to ask Lagosians what they think about love in this city. Maybe, by the end of this article, we’ll both find a ‘happy ending.’
PS: For privacy reasons, the real names of those who contributed will be redacted.
Love and Lagos Time Don’t Go Well
Let’s get into this, one of the very first things that obstructs every Lagosian in their pursuit of romance is Time. Lagos can be very distracting, overwhelming, and downright after your life! Between getting stuck in traffic for hours, work deadlines, and the cost of living—- Lagosians are always on the clock!
And all things, including relationships, need time to be nurtured. This requires being conscious of how and where you spend your free time and selflessly finding ways to stay in contact and be present in your relationship. However, with the pace and workload the city throws at you every day, this sounds easier said than done.
So I asked questions and got some great answers,
“What are the biggest challenges you face in balancing personal relationships with the demands of Lagos’ fast-paced lifestyle?”
Chioma
“…relationships take time to nurture, but with the hustle and how fast-paced everything is in Lagos, except for traffic, which steals your valuable time, it almost feels like you have to prioritize one above the other,”
Sarah
“One of the biggest challenges is meeting or finding the time to catch up. When one person is free, the other is busy, it’s only occasionally that all schedules align. Another is the amount of effort you must put into constantly communicating; sometimes, the case is usually out of sight or mind. You have to be intentional with calls, texts, updates, and so on; if not by the time you realise, you haven’t spoken to said friend in two months.”
Ochukwu
“The demand from the relationship aside Lagos, also takes a toll on you, there is also the cost of living, and with all these, still having to prioritize the relationship…”
Connection is Intentional Effort
“How do you manage time for your partner or personal interests amid your busy schedule?”
Boma
“By seizing the opportunity to focus on them at whatever free time I get”
Sarah
“… It’s all about intentionality. Everybody is busy, but as long as someone is important to you, you will find time for them. As for personal interests, that’s still an ongoing struggle because as a 9-5er, by the time I’m finished from work, all I want to do is sleep, or on rare occasions, I just binge-watch movies or catch up on my TBR.”
Moji
“I try to fit people into my life and schedule as opposed to making time for them, e.g, calling while on my way to work or when I’m not doing heavy brain tasks at work.”
Bryan
“Scale of preference, I prioritize what is most urgent at that very moment.”
Communication is Key
“In a city filled with distractions, how do you keep communication open and honest with your partner?”
Boma
“By reminding myself that there’d always be distractions, not to get carried away with any distraction, having those difficult conversations regardless of how hard they may seem, and also making sure to be true to myself amidst all these”.
Chioma
“Not a city girl… at least not anymore, so there’s nothing to worry about. He doesn’t go out either. We were friends first, so he knows me in and out, and we both know each other’s history.“
Sarah
“If you can’t be honest with them or if they can’t trust you, why are you in a relationship with them in the first place? A relationship is supposed to be a space you run to, not run from.”
Moji
“I create a schedule, weekdays, I work, weekends for family and friends.”
Have your Community
“How important is your social or family network in supporting your relationship?”
Boma
“I feel relationships are mostly about the couple directly involved, it’s good to have external support from family, but not depend on them because they don’t have a say in how the relationship goes, but getting support sure helps.”
Chioma
“I’m not sure I understand the question, but to my understanding- my dad’s blessing was most important to me- other than that, I pretty much do what I want.”
Ochukwu
“It’s not so important, at the end of the day, the relationship is between my partner and me, no one else knows what’s going on…doesn’t mean it’s not important oh!”
Embrace Hobbies
“What habits or routines help you stay grounded amid the hustle of Lagos?”
Chioma
“Honestly, prayer and building a relationship with God… There is this thing called alignment- it’s surest with Him.”
Boma
“Meditating and self-reflecting.”
Moji
“Cleaning, Reading, and talking to my favourite people for hours.”
Your Advice?
“What advice would you give to fellow Lagosians looking to navigate the complexities of love in the city?”
Bryan
“Be open-minded, learn to communicate, and clear understanding of financial responsibilities.”
Chioma
“There’s no love in the city, just within- nurture it and you’ll control what you let get within- self-awareness is important. Also, you don’t go looking for love, it finds you, so just focus on you and stay close to God for discernment if not a lot of mistakes are bound to follow.”
“Be yourself, be honest about what you want, and don’t be afraid to walk away when you don’t feel loved like you deserve to be. Also, don’t throw your friends away when you get into a relationship, it’s not cute or being ‘loyal’ to your partner.”
Bukola
“I have nothing to offer Lagosians, do what you choose…”
Boma
“Be patient, understanding, and communicate your feelings; it’s okay to feel vulnerable.”
Final Thoughts
Lagos isn’t exclusive to having a seemingly toxic dating pool; it’s everywhere, and everyone is broken or carrying some baggage, but you can start from somewhere, and that’s you. How you feel about yourself, what you believe about the world around you, how it affects you, and in the journey of finding love in this city, the most important thing is knowing there’s always work to be done. Good things don’t come easy.
