If you’ve ever stepped into a Lagos danfo (the yellow public buses), you know it’s not just a commute, it’s an entire experience. It’s a rite of passage everyone is familiar with. Here are 10 relatable situations that could only happen on the streets of Nigeria’s commercial capital.
Here are 10 things every Lagosian has experienced in pubic transport.
1. You Enter a Temporary ‘Marriage’
If you’re single and looking for love, just start taking public transport in Lagos. Conductor will “join” you and a complete stranger in the name of finding change.
Your change is ₦200, another person’s own is ₦300. Next thing, both of you are holding one ₦500 note and the conductor has moved on.
Congratulations. That’s the beginning of your relationship. If you’re not careful, both of you will even end up going to the same final destination.
2. Destination Changes Midway
One minute you’re happily going to Oshodi, and the next minute the conductor suddenly shouts, “Last bus stop! Everybody come down!”
No prior warning. No explanation. Just vibes. If you’re lucky, they’ll squeeze you into another bus to continue the journey. Just know that once half the bus starts coming down before the final destination, that bus may not get there.
3. You Become the Conductor
When you entered the bus, there was a conductor. But by the second bus stop, the conductor disappears. Now everyone is passing money to you.
If you’re sitting by the door or beside the driver, congratulations. You’ve just been promoted.
Special shout-out to the volunteers who willingly collect money and start giving change. Your service doesn’t go unnoticed, ‘Brother Saheed’.
4. Danfo Rescues Another Danfo
In the spirit of “being your brother’s keeper,” one bus becomes the superhero for another.
Forget towing vans. In Lagos, when one danfo breaks down, another one simply pushes it until it starts moving again. It’s basically a miracle jump-start on wheels.
Just pray you’re inside the one pushing and not the one being pushed, because nobody knows when either of them will finally get to the destination.
5. Somebody Starts Selling Random Items
You think everybody on the bus is just another passenger.
Then somebody stands up and suddenly starts selling aphrodisiacs, bleaching cream, eczema cream, phone chargers or something you never imagined could be sold inside a moving bus.
The funniest part? Somebody usually buys it.
6. A Stranger Pays Your Fare
This one feels like winning the lottery. Sometimes the person just likes your vibe, sometimes they’re simply in a good mood, and sometimes they just decide to do something nice for a complete stranger.
The funny thing is, it almost never happens when you’re actually broke. It’s always on the days you already have transport fare.
7. Two People Fight… Then Become Friends
After calling themselves every unprintable name and making the whole bus beg them to calm down, they suddenly become besties and start sharing jokes and football banter like old friends.
Meanwhile, the people who tried to separate them are now somehow the enemies.
8. “I’m Staff”
Some people don’t pay transport fare. They just say, “Staff.” Staff of what? We don’t know.
Sometimes it’s actually a police officer or someone from law enforcement. Other times, it’s just somebody saying it with enough confidence and hoping the driver or conductor won’t find out.
At that point, just face your front because whatever agreement exists between them and the driver is above your pay grade.
9. You Become a Bus Pusher
If there’s one prayer to pray before entering a danfo, it’s that the bus doesn’t break down. Because once it does, everybody is coming down to push.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re wearing a suit, tie or heels, you’re now part of the mechanical team. And if you decide not to push, just know everybody in the bus is judging you. If the bus finally starts, don’t even bother entering again.
10. Conductor Forgets You Paid
This one can test your patience.
You know you paid. The conductor knows you paid. God knows you paid. Yet somehow, five minutes later, he’s asking for your fare again.
You now start looking for bus witnesses and defending yourself like you’re in court, “I gave you ₦1,000 now. You even gave that woman my change.” Just know, you’re either ready for a long argument or you just accept your fate and pay again.
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