Recently, we’ve noticed how tiny lifestyle changes suddenly become full personalities in Lagos. One trip abroad, one members club subscription, one celebrity friendship, and somehow somebody has completely rebranded themselves overnight. We know this is regular Lagos behaviour but we also know somehow had to document it.
If you’ve spent enough time in Lagos, you’ve definitely encountered at least 7 people on this list.
1. The Assistant DJ
These ones are the type that when they go for raves and events in Lagos, you’ll see them on stage beside the DJ all night with dark shades on, posting Snaps every 5 minutes and acting like they’re above everybody else. And to be fair, at that moment, they actually are but only because they’re on stage, the lights are on them and it automatically gives main character energy.
But don’t worry, once the event ends everybody will go home.
2. The Matcha Drinker
Do you actually enjoy matcha or is it peer pressure? Because for some reason, people that drink matcha in Lagos always behave like they’ve unlocked a higher lifestyle that nobody understands. Every other day they’re in one aesthetic café holding one green drink for 3 hours taking pictures.
3. The Celebrity Bestie
Instead of saying Davido, they’ll say David and Wizkid, it’s Ayo to them. We hear you, you know them, you went to school together, grew up in the same area or used to work together. Congratulations. But please, call them what the rest of us call them.
4. The Members Club Person
Once somebody enters one members club in Lagos their behaviour changes immediately. All of a sudden every other place just isn’t good enough. Every small meeting or hangout must happen at that one location. They will not hesitate to mention the “big names” they are now friends with because they’re in the club. They suddenly don’t want to be seen in public anymore as if the members club card comes with invisibility.
5. The Frequent Flyer
Some Lagosians will enter airport twice and suddenly start behaving like global citizens. Now every conversation includes “when I was in Dubai” or “when I was in Cape Town.” Next thing, “Global” has entered their Instagram handle and their highlights are full of flags and airport pictures. It doesn’t matter that one of the countries was just a 2-hour layover 😭
6. The “I Don’t Go Out” Type
“I don’t really go out anymore.” Meanwhile if we check properly now, it’s more your account balance than personal growth. Outside is expensive, clothes are expensive, fuel is expensive.
Don’t worry, we understand.
7. The Nollywood Snob
“I don’t really watch Nigerian movies.” Okay. Here’s your award. Some of you say this like it automatically makes you intellectually superior. But somehow this same person follows every Nollywood celebrity on Instagram, knows all the industry gist, and has pictures with at least two actors from the last event they attended
8. The “I Keep my Circle Small” Type
These ones have normalised avoiding people by saying “Oh, I don’t really have too many friends.” Okay??? Is it that you’re intentionally selective or people just don’t want to deal with your character?
Having 3 friends is not automatically mysterious behaviour or the flex you think it is.
9. The Island Resident
Once some Lagosians move to the Island and suddenly start behaving like they’ve escaped suffering permanently meanwhile everybody is still facing traffic together. Now they speak about the mainland like it’s another country and can’t remember places they used to know. Ogba? What’s that? Never mind that they were actually born there.
10. The Tech Bro
After one remote job and 2 tech conferences, suddenly they only drink coffee, use Macbooks and throw around words like “scaling,” “sprint”. Once they start speaking like LinkedIn posts, just know they think they’ve arrived. To be fair, tech money is real money. But the superiority that comes with it? That’s a separate conversation.These ones take their jobs so seriously like national security depends on it.
